February 2, 2008
XKCD makes me happy, vodka makes me mean...
I'm so glad that this comic has been on the fron page of del.icio.us for the last few hours.
Posted by dottie at 1:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 9, 2007
09/08/07 06:05:04
Posted by dottie at 6:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 8, 2007
Beauty Pugalists
Tickets.ie sends me reminder notices about upcoming events. Tonight's was
Don't miss world championship boxing
of course I read it as
Miss World, championship boxing
Posted by dottie at 1:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 22, 2007
Trees ii
Posted by dottie at 11:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Trees i
Posted by dottie at 10:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 17, 2007
Falwell or Hitler?
An excellent little game that tests your knowledge of the aphorisms of these two powerful tyrants
My favourite part is the first comment from one of the participants: "I'm sorry, but I honestly find this to be in very poor taste. The man is dead. We may have had our disagreements with him, but he's dead and I think we can afford one moment of empathy. My deepest condolences to the Hitler family."
Posted by dottie at 9:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 22, 2007
LOL katz
Cute animal pictures gone wrong
Comments
Mike Scott
Oh man, I was tearing up laughing so hard at this one! Thanks!
Posted by dottie at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 14, 2007
My Idea of Heaven...
You know the way god-botherers say that the dearly departed are always looking down on us / watching over us?
I always had a problem with that, but I never had a decent analogy to equate to my view of a non-existent state. However, IF there were a heaven - I don't really think my dearly departed would be interested in my bowel movements, long periods of staring into space with a blank expression (and possibly, drool) and the relatively short time I spend getting my accounts up to date.
No.
I like to imagine that simplistic view of heaven that the g.b.'s have is akin to pre-RSS epiphany.
In pre-RSS days, you must remember every site you like and visit it regularly to see what new posts they have made. This incurs yearnings, frustration and no little amount of stress (not to mention wasted time!)
When you discover RSS things change. Often you no longer know what the site looks like - often you don't even know the authors name or even what they do for a living, but you are aware of the minutiae of their lives. Simply put, when they have a moment and decide to share, your RSS aggregator lets you know. No more stress, memory issues or missed minutiae.
I think heaven is a little like that. I can't imagine the dearly departed, detached from corporeal life as they are, trying to recall what fond memories feel like in order to figure out which relatives to check in on.
I think every time we have a 'stepping stone' moment in life, then 'heaven' gets pinged and the d.d.'s get to check it out - vicariously of course.
This metaphor can be stretched to cover other phenomenon:
Ghosts? Trackbacks!
Coma? It's sort of like being 'dugg' spiritually
Possession? A buffer overflow exploit
Deja vu? server glitch - double post...
Burning bush, voice of god, epiphany etc. - just a forum troll dude...
Posted by dottie at 3:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 29, 2007
Where's my red cape?
Cory Doctorow image courtesy of Scott Beale / Laughing Squid
Cory Doctorow - not only are you my hero, you are the INTERNETS hero!!
Posted by dottie at 2:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 11, 2007
Robert Anton Wilson R.I.P
sad but unflappable to the end - his last blog entry
Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying.Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd.
RAW
Posted by dottie at 9:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 3, 2007
Transubstantiation
On the whole 'this is my body eat of it, this is my blood drink of it' thing:
Maybe they were tired of bread and fish, bread and fish. Every night it's bread and fish... Christ dies. They come back three days later and the body's gone.
Posted by dottie at 11:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 10, 2006
Peanuts meets Marvel!
The artist seems to have also produced posters and T-shirts bearing the re-imagined characters! Christmas presents please!
Edit (2/1/06) :
It seems that the forum has been made private. This does not mean that you cannot view the art, just that you will have to register first! A bit of a pain but worth it I think!
Comments
Emmet Savage
Mark – dead link, and I really want to see it so pimp and re-post!
Em
Posted by dottie at 10:21 PM | Comments (1)
Heaven or Hell - you choose!
This is hilarious!
Posted by dottie at 4:21 PM | Comments (0)
November 14, 2006
Saddam Escapes!
Posted by dottie at 12:49 AM | Comments (0)
October 9, 2006
Failure : christian fundamentalist honey pot
Well, you may have read the post below and thought what the hell is up with Mark?
The answer is, the fact that some religious nutcase tried to (succeeded?) get Fahrenheit 451 banned during banned books week (as someone put it - a previously banned book about banned book burning banned buring banned books week).
It made me mad, so I adopted a 'persona' and wrote a diatribe against filthy books. If you read it you might see that I was bringing talk around to another filthy book and calling for right-thinking christians everywhere to have it banned due to its lascivious nature, reference to smut, calling the loard name in vain, murder, sodomy, rape, slaughter, anger - you name it, it is vividly portrayed in the book and often as as something to aspire to.
The book in question?
The bible of course.
So, sorry that my 'honey pot' didnt attract any insects.
but still - ban the bible!!
Posted by dottie at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)
July 18, 2006
The New Michael Bay Movie
Hey Look! It's the new Michael Bay movie out next year!
Who?
You know, the guy who did Pearl Harbour? No?
Look he's really famous - a great director, by Hollywood's standards...
You don't believe me? Check out the credits on the trailer.
This new Michael Bay movie will rock, not because its the transformers movie, but because it is directed by Michael Bay.
Yeah, Pearl Harbour in space.
Do we get to watch that Ben Affleck chick blow up like they did in Total Recall? Please?
Posted by dottie at 10:42 AM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2006
'Pro Lifers' really are against education - all types - just in case, like.....
This is too good to be true.
A so-called 'pro life' site (with the tag line - 'We will end abortion through our unity and the Monthly Call for Life' - who knew that the shedding of the uterine wall was a call for life?) has made a mockery of itself by denouncing an article posted on The Onion (which as you will remember is a satirical site).
Check it out while it's still online
'Pro Lifer' proves that they are against all forms of education, just in case
Meanwhile here is the Onion article for reference
The Onion takes the piss out of everybody's stance on Abortion
Posted by dottie at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)
June 24, 2006
Ring of Steele
A poster from an upcoming melodrama ;)
Congratulations to Dave and Jean on their wedding!
Posted by dottie at 9:05 PM | Comments (0)
June 17, 2006
Bertie Ahern vows to destroy all records of Charles Haugheys's (alleged) criminal acts
Posted by dottie at 4:25 PM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2006
Call centre subversion - good deeds!
If you have a couple of weeks free go out and do a good deed.
Sign up for a help desk / call centre job. Complete the 'training' (usually an hour or so of reading and some role-playing with a supervisor - although that may be to get better desk space, I don't know, regardless, if they ask you to dress up as a schoolgirl its probably not part of the job description...)
Once on the phones be nice to everyone, do everything they want you to do. Cut off their service with no charges if they require, swicth on full service. Try and last a few days before moving on to the next company call centre.
Then you can say 'have a nice day' and really mean it :)
Posted by dottie at 8:12 PM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2006
The McCartney divorce
News reports just in
News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather Mills- McCartney. Mrs Mills- McCartney is said to be distraught over the split "He has been my crutch for so long!!" She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm stumped"
She's reported to be making frantic efforts to keep the split as civil as possible. "She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get its not like its easy to walk out on a relationship like this"
It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the marriage, Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world amassing a colossal wealth due to his participation with The Beatles and subsequent musical collaborations, if an agreement hasn't been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on.
Rumours abound over the split have suggested that infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".
Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said "he would get home at night and find her legless"
Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul had got prior to the wedding; he gave her a new prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler. The main gift was a plane but then he gave her a Ladyshave for the other leg.
Posted by dottie at 11:13 AM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2006
Understanding Turbans
I just saw the title of a news item on the Seattle times - Understanding turbans.
Which is great.
One big problem though. The mouth-breathers who will actually attack anyone wearing a turban probably wont (or dont have the literacy level) read the article. Who were they writing the article for?
Does it mean that someone who is wearing a turban and is not on the list is fair game?
Posted by dottie at 2:14 PM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2006
Intentional or not?
This is the official poster for a new production of the kids musical 'Bugsy Malone'.
I ask you though, what were they thinking?
Posted by dottie at 6:45 PM | Comments (0)
July 26, 2005
Religion is pr0n too!
I dont know why religious people get all freaked out by pornography. They have plenty of their own. Think about the smutty stories throughout the bible of begat'ing, adultery, crimes of passion all over the place - its a regular Mills and Boon.
Then there is the religious art. Take this for instance as it says in the Wikipedia - One of Bernini's most famous sculptures, this work depicts a scene described in Teresa of Avila's mystical writings, in which an angel has pierced her heart with a dart of divine love and withdrawn it.
The body posture and facial expression of St Teresa has caused comparisons to someone experiencing sexual climax. Supporter of this theory call attention to both her roughly wrinkled clothing and the direction of the angel's "dart of love" which points at her pubic area.
I'd agree - looks like the girl is having a good time!
As for this lot - I think we all know where this is going - Jesus juice and special bedtime stories before the minister visits them all individually and in groups for some old Testament extra curricular activities.
Posted by dottie at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2005
Shooting the shit with Mr. reality distortion field
ME: Yo Jobs! Hows it hangin?
Steve Jobs: Who are you? Where did you get my number?
ME: I got it from Bill's rolodex, anyway I got an idea to lay on you - you ready?
SJ: Bill doesnt use a rolodex, he uses iLife, I was over last weekend upgrading it for him, you know how bad he is with computers.... wait who did you say you were?
ME: I'm your saviour Stevie boy. I know what your next insanely great thing is.
SJ: really? You been reading Mac Insider again?
ME: Nah, nah, good old inspiration. Lizzin up buddy - your next OS..
SJ: yeah...
ME: call it OS Y
SJ: uh?
ME: then you can have a nifty slogan - SWITCHING? YNOT?
SJ: err.. I dont think so...
ME: OK,ok. Why not bring out a different version for teenage boys - call it OS XXX. You do all that accessibility shit real good so you could build in all sorts of shotcuts to make it easier to surf the net one-handed you know?
SJ: WTF?
ME: The sogan could be - THINK DEVIANT
SJ: ....
ME: Whatcha think?
SJ: I'm loving it. Have you got a passport?
ME: Yeah baby, first class?
SJ: No worries - blondes or brunettes?
ME: uh?
SJ: Hostesses dude, hostesses
ME: :)
Posted by dottie at 11:51 PM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2005
Amazing facts - number 1 in a series
35 fish a year are killed by the milk people pour into sinks to check for chunky bits before they pour it into their tea/coffee.
Stop the slaughter! Use American style dairy-free creamers (made from old chalk sticks and pasteurised urine samples)
Posted by dottie at 4:04 PM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2005
Fuck, there goes Easter
Posted by dottie at 2:41 PM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2005
Email servers lie!
My web mail client tells me I am using 3% of my quota.
No need to get personal!
I dont like my mail server anymore...
Posted by dottie at 10:20 AM | Comments (0)
January 29, 2005
Is there nothing that beer cant do?
trapped in car - uses beer to free himself
Remember - whatever else is going on in your life, there is always room for beer.
Posted by dottie at 8:47 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2005
US poops
German pranksters are planting US flags and flags with Bush's mug on them in piles of dog poo in parks in germany.
Claim some for the US today!
Posted by dottie at 6:32 PM | Comments (0)
December 3, 2004
Classic spam...
WHoever targets blogs with spam seems to use the same writers that target email. These always take the same basic format, some text with which they hope to beat spam filters (and some humans...) and then an a propos URL at the end, usually sent by XGHtyugJHG@gjhgIGi.com.co.uk.tw
I just had to share this particular bit of blog spam with you.
This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war, This happy breed of men, this little world, This precious stone set in the silver sea, Which serves it in the office of a wall Or as a moat defensive to a house, Against the envy of less happier lands,-- This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England. <a href="http://saveonshoes5.cjb.net/">martha</a>
Yes that is a link for cheap shoes tagged onto what looks like a King Henry (the which'th???) speech from Shakespeare. Classic. I can imagine reworkings of the great works now
Friends! Romans Country men! Lend me your loafers!
My kingdom for an affordable, comfortable, hard-wearing pair of slip-ons!
Et tu boot-us?
Classics undoubtedly bu they don't have quite the ring of the original....
Posted by dottie at 12:16 AM
September 27, 2004
Chinese joke
What did the captain of the losing team in the recent all ireland final say to his supporters when asked if he had the trophy?
Mayo
Not very funny, even if you do know that may-o is chinese for 'I havent got it' - but dammit I try!
Posted by dottie at 6:32 PM
September 23, 2004
Mars
Saw an inspired piece of graffiti today
US out of mars
and it was neon green.
I laughed.
Posted by dottie at 7:14 PM
September 3, 2004
Aphorisms to create neuroses
"Only boring people get bored" - tell this to your children. Often.
"Potential dissipates, achievements accumulate" - ah, arrogance - child of nepotism and chance - we love thee
Posted by dottie at 4:41 PM
August 16, 2004
There is nothing more to be said...
Posted by dottie at 3:07 AM
July 19, 2004
Nose fountain alert!
LSD test on British soldiers during WW2
This is the funniest thing I've seen in a looong time :) but dont drink liquids when you watch this - I did and I think my keyboard is alright now, but it was touch and go there for a while...lauhed? I nearly pissed meself
Posted by dottie at 12:09 PM
April 10, 2004
Premise for a film
'Undo' a new film by Steven Cohen-Fellini-Kubrickberg
A man receives a mystery package in the post. The postmark is obscured and there is no return address.
He worries about what it might be, shaking the package and then not, in case its a bomb.
He makes a cup of coffee and sits on the couch smoking and watching the package where it lies on the mantlepiece.
He opens the package, cutting the string and taking care not to tear the fine brown paper that wraps it.
Inside is a box with a fine fitting lid wrapped in ribbon. Slipped betwen the ribbon and the box is a folded sheet of lilac paper, scented lightly of Opium perfume. He removes the note and unfolds it slowly.
It's a note. It says - 'Undo button: use once and pass it on. Once only!'
He panics, replacing the note and returning the box to the mantlepiece.
The next few days see him perched on the couch watching the box. Eventually after a long pause he stands suddenly, grabs the box, pulls the lid off, empties the contents into his hand and lets the box fall to the ground.
The undo button is a small black rectangular box with a computer keyboard like key on the top that has the word 'UNDO' written on it in Verdana font. 12 point.
He returns the box to the mantlepiece, worried again.
Days later he finally has a plan. Gambling. He decides to buy a lotto ticket, check the numbers the next draw and if he doesnt win then he will press undo and choose the right numbers. Sitting pretty, pass on the button and live happily ever after.
He doesnt win and the button is pressed, after much trepidation. How will the button know what to UNDO? As it turns out everything is undone back to the point where he decides to purchase the lotto ticket.
But things are different. Little things. Then a big thing. The lotto numbers dont match. No free ride then.
He is tempted to try something else that will allow him to exploit the unique properties of the button.
He follows a woman. Stalks her. Gets to know her interests (books by David Eddings, Poetry by Yeats, Biographies, wire-fu movies, thai food, french red wine, dark chocolate and cappuchino) all courtesy of the UNDO button. He often steps over the line and causes blazing rows with the woman. He is a stalker. Reset. Undo. All good. Meanwhile he steals to support himself. He is a stalker. All his time is spent following this woman. learning her moods, likes, everything.
He finally asks to share her table in a crowded cafe one day and gets talking. He comes across too forward. She reacts badly. He tries harder. She gets him thrown out. UNDO. He tries again. Same result. UNDO. Again. He is losing the plot.
Desperate now to include the woman who obsesses him in his life, he tries again. Same result. They have a blazing row where he explains his devotion. She stares in shock and revulsion at the madman screaming at her. She tries to leave, he wont let her, threatens her with a knife. There is a scuffle. She is stabbed. UNDO.
He realises that he can undo the consequences of his actions in the world but he cannot undo the changes within himself. He is doomed. He packages up the button again, picking a name from a phone book from a different city. He resolves to change his life, put this all behind him. The note he encloses in the package says - 'Undo button: use once and then pass it on. Once only! Trust me on this!'
He walks to the post office and sends the package, feeling something lift within himself. He walks through the door of the post office into the sunlight, closing his eyes and letting the heat of it sink into his bones. He smiles and opens his eyes.
She is passing by him. He smiles wider, laughing inwardly at the joke the world has played on him. She smiles back and stops.
'Dont I know you?', she says, 'I've seen you round'
'Errr. Yeah? I go to the same bookshop as you do'
'Would you like a coffee?', she says
His smile grows wider.
Jaunty but slightly sinister exit music a la Alfred Hitchcock and a panning shot following the package as it passes through the post office.
Roll credits.
Fade to black.
Posted by dottie at 8:53 PM
April 1, 2004
Ryanair special
Ha! Love this. Low fares and a sense of humour!
Posted by dottie at 3:18 PM
March 11, 2004
Robot Cartoons
http://www.macboy.com/cartoons/sfr/
I love robots
Robots love me
we do it outside often
so all you folks can see
actually no robot porn or anything like that, just a few cartoons. I love the first one. I'm going to use that line someday.....
Posted by dottie at 8:21 PM
Lott oh
I have a sure fire plan to make money. I will charge everyone who does the Lotto a euro so that I wont do it.
Every time I have bought a Lotto ticket in the last few years, not only have I not won (anything!) but the jackpot has never been won.
Fo some weird reason I am shorting out the probabilities when I buy a ticket - I'm reducing everyone's chances of winning.
So, conversly, by my NOT playing, everyone has a greater chance of winning!
Send me money and buy yourself a Lotto ticket safe in the knowledge that you are more likely to be a winner - I promise I wont use the money to buy a toicket for myself. Honest.
Posted by dottie at 4:56 PM
March 5, 2004
Soundcover subterfuge
http://www.simeda.com/soundercover.html
This site offers background sounds for people who want to appear to be somewhere they are not - like select the traffic noise and phone your boss. Or select phone ringing in 15secs when you see a friend who talks a lot.
I'd love to hijack these phones and replace the sounds. Traffic could be replaced with, bar noises. You could get the phone to play sex moaning for when your girlfriend calls. Remember these arent ring tones, these are sounds played through the phone and heard by the other person when you are talking to them.
Cool. Let the games begin!
Course someone has to have a Java enabled phone for it to work...bah!
Posted by dottie at 5:37 PM
March 2, 2004
Rawck!!!
http://www.traum4tized.com/mosh/mosh.swf
Posted by dottie at 9:17 AM
February 29, 2004
Mario Brothers Epic Adventure
Do yourselves a favour and watch these movies. I can see a big screen release soon!
http://www.deviantart.com/view/5142652/
http://www.deviantart.com/view/5143991/
http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/mariosbrothers3.html
I love machinima!
Posted by dottie at 12:45 PM
February 26, 2004
Nutrigrain...
I feel great!
http://turnpikefilms.com/spots/nutrigrain.html
and you will too!
Posted by dottie at 1:39 AM
February 25, 2004
How to fake being tall
10 tips on how to look and feel taller - immediate results!
1. Hammer 2x4's across all your doorways at forehead level
2. carry a chair for standing on in crowds. Better again tie one to each foot for mobility
3. Cut the ends off all your trousers and all the arms and bodies of your shirts, tshirts and jumpers
4. when driving, move your seat as far forward as you can get it
5. eat all your meals off side plates
6. cut down the legs of all your tables and chairs
7. break the top third off all mirrors in your house so that when in a normal standing poition the highest point of your body that you can see is your chest. Try to shave.
8. ask all your friends to kneel down when they talk to you
9. wear a sign on your back that says 'I can predict the weather on mount everest'. Be prepared for people asking you 'whats the wether like up there'
10. date a dwarf (your dick looks huge in their hands!!)
Comments
Naoimh
Funny shit. Just came across this tonight. Liked no. 5.
Posted by dottie at 1:07 AM | Comments (1)
February 23, 2004
Religious Themed T-shirts
I had a free minute and some inspiration...
I'll be smoking a big one in Purgatory for this I know....
Posted by dottie at 7:05 PM
February 16, 2004
Seven proofs that Jesus was Irish
1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. He went out drinking with the lads the night before he died.
4. His last request was a drink.
5. He hung around with the same lads all his life.
6. He lived with his parents until he was 33.
7. He thought his mother was a virgin, and she, bless her, thought he was God.
Posted by dottie at 2:56 PM
February 13, 2004
Helicopters blink blinky or seat of the pants
I do love the Onion...
http://www.theonion.com/4006/opinion1.html
Posted by dottie at 2:20 AM