5thPercentile.com

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

September 30, 2004

The funny thing about regret...

Sometimes you just wish that instead of having to be the 'bigger person', that you could just be what I suppose would be the 'littler person' for a short while.

Some situations call for super human levels of reserve, and concious overide of autonomic responses like flight, panic, knee jerk, gag, choke-a-motherfucker , meaning you just have to take it, say thank you and ask for more.

The saving grace is that humble pie tastes sooo sweet when you know that someday soon the person forcing you to eat it will be eating double helpings of humble pie themselves.

Like I was saying, they say the funny thing about regret is that you regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. Well I always have my dreams...

Posted by dottie at 11:46 PM

September 29, 2004

You are a machine and speech is a programming language

In a way speech is a very subtle, high level programming language.

When you speak to people you can make both weird and wonderful things happen to them.

Knowing something about their background, and thus gaining insight into their social mores, manners, expectations and taboos, you can push some serious buttons resulting in anything from polite giggles to boredom to foaming at the mouth rage.

Rock and roll.

Of course there are all sorts of non-verbal ways to communicate - your clothes, your hair colour, piercings, skin embellishment (tattoos, scarification or sub-cutaneous objects), height, weight, shoe size, eye colour, tooth colour, stance, gait, dimples, prehensile eyebrows.

However, we are not human. Most everything we do is learned from others, either reaction or repetition, indignation or idolatry. We are machines:

Crazy machines that have forgotten who programmed them and always fall for other machines who can find and push their buttons for them.

Loving machines that don't know when they will be scrapped and try to glean all they can from each moment before it slips away.

Tired machines that struggle endlessly to figure it all out and put some meaning into the random shifting of waves on the ocean.

Young machines that dont know if they are welcome in the universe yet, or if anybody has noticed their arrival.

We are machines because we are far more like each other than we are different.

We are all pinnochio, tin man, commander data, casper the ghost - searching for what it means to be human, playing by the rules hoping the curtain will twitch, a wand will be waved and we will be made into a real boy.

Posted by dottie at 2:03 AM

September 28, 2004

time lapse

I love time lapse video. I would love to do some of my own someday of the view from Red Rock across Dublin Bay tracking a whole day. There is plenty to see: the smoke from the Ringsend cooling towers, the ferry boats passing in and out, the motion of the ocean ;), clouds, birds, hillwalkers. I think it would be excellent, write some music to go with it and it would make a great film to show at festivals and the like.

All I need now is a camera and some talent.

Damn!

Crossing America

Clouds

more clouds

Posted by dottie at 12:09 PM

September 27, 2004

Chinese joke

What did the captain of the losing team in the recent all ireland final say to his supporters when asked if he had the trophy?

Mayo

Not very funny, even if you do know that may-o is chinese for 'I havent got it' - but dammit I try!

Posted by dottie at 6:32 PM

fucked again...

An open letter to an ex-client

Dear Fuckface,

Due to the somewhat 'fiery' nature of our business relationship, the fact that you cannot open your mouth without lying to me, insulting me or threatening to destroy my business, plus the fact that you never pay your invoices on time, and that I constantly have to be reminded that you are NOT exempt from VAT, coupled with your questionable personal habits, irritating demeanour and gag-inducing arrogance and egotism, I have come to a decision.

Should you come to me looking for a quote on a job, even if I am facing starvation or eviction, I will find myself far too busy.

I know you think that you are a 'successful businessman' and consider yourself something of a mover and shaker, but trust me, you are a very small (and very smelly) fish in a reeking cesspit full of other very small fish that enjoy nothing better than fucking each other over and making kissy kissy noises on the anuses of slightly larger, even stinkier fishes.

I firmly believe that what goes around comes around. Much as I would love to hang around to see the day it finally does 'comes around' and watch you crash and burn in a spectacular fashion, I have better things to do like waxing fruit or reading the small print on packets of ready brek.

The next time I see you will hopefully be in court as a character witness against you in your prosecution.

Good bye and good riddance.

Not for anyone in particular, just practicising like....

Posted by dottie at 2:03 PM | Comments (1)

American posters

These are beautiful posters from the post war era in the US, tackling such issues as syphilis (six in ten saved!), education (learn english, the language of your children), tourism and cultural events.

Post war, public announcement posters

The style is a little reminiscent of the Soviet and Eastern European posters of the same era, but the content of course couldnt be more divergent.

Soviet poster

Posted by dottie at 10:36 AM

September 25, 2004

Show me the way to go home....

.. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed
I haddan ickle drink abut an hour ago
and its gone straight to my head

oh!

we gonna need a bigger boat.......

hic!

Posted by dottie at 10:35 PM

September 24, 2004

Normal life

Things are looking up.

For the moment at least the financial prostate (or is it kidney stones?) has abated and it looks like I will have a normal amount of money. At least in the short term.

That is a little bit daunting for me. I have spent the last six years or more avoiding social situations because I havent had enough money to pay the rent AND have a social life. My friends have been good to me, buying me beers, laughing at my lame jokes, giving me a lot of free rein and accepting my long, poverty induced, absences from the social aspect of life.

Now, I wont have that excuse anymore. I have to admit to more than a little agrophobia brought on by years of being a recluse. I find it hard sometimes to relate to people, family and friends as I spend a lot of time on my own.

I relish the challenge though, and even though I know I will have big problems getting back to what I would like to calla normal life for myself - ie. more socialising - I cannot keep going the way I am. I need to get out more.

I really have no idea what to expect anymore - in ways I feel like I am waking from a coma. Not that it's been all bad. Without the support of my friends and family I would have gone mad a long time ago. I have had some great times and happy memories, and I want more!

I think a large portion of happiness for me will be derived from travel - simple or complex - travel in Ireland, weekends away in Galway, Cork, wherever, or weeks skiing, travelling in Russia, China, France, Spain etc...

What does everyone else do for their normal lives - what is your ideal for normality, happiness?

Answers on a postcard please....

Posted by dottie at 3:17 PM

September 23, 2004

Moths - again

I think we have solved our moth problem. The super strong hoover that the carpet cleaning people used shows the extent of the moths appetite. BIG chunks of the carpet are missing under all the chairs and most noticably in the little trafficed areas.

Apparently its a wool carpet. If you have ever visited my flat this news will surprise you.

If you havent ever visited my flat, please do, but phone first to make sure I'm in.

And decent.

Naked web development is a kick best procticed alone. Especially with my gut.

Posted by dottie at 7:19 PM

Mars

Saw an inspired piece of graffiti today

US out of mars

and it was neon green.

I laughed.

Posted by dottie at 7:14 PM

September 16, 2004

Quake 4, Doom 3

Woah. These games are amazing look at the graphics, the physics engines (for those realistic 'rag doll' deaths), new weapons, vehicles, big ass monsters, great level designs.

But one problem.

You are still the same old gun toting lunatic you always were. The only thing that has changed in any grand way is the graphics - and they have taken quantum leaps forward, volumetric lighting interacting with particle systems (ie, proper shadows on wispy smoke cast by moving objets - fuckin A! - check out some screenshots from the upcoming Quake 4 game

There has been very little development on game play, very little interactin beyond puhing a button, breaking a window or what have you. You should be able to interact with your environment in the same way you can in the real world - and by this I mean that you can apply your imagination, not that game physics should be limited to what can happen in the real world.

If you fire a rocket launcher indoors you can expect a lot of things to happen - walls collapse, fire, schrapnel, stairs are destroyed etc. Yes this does happen in some games, but only where the game devlopers allow you to do such things to drive the games on. What about burst eardrums, fatigue, thirst, sunstroke, hypothermia?

Non Player Characters are dumb. Your enemies generally start from the same spot and do pretty much the same things at the same time - dont they get bored? Real people would. They would goof off, they would run away when they saw you with a rocket launcher, they might even try and sneak around behind you.

Game stories are to blame for a lot of this - they are usually written by the developers and are tailored to produce maximum gore action, and push a player along a single story line. If the developers allowed multiple story lines a la Steve Jackson 'CHoose your own adventure' books, the situation would still be pretty much the same.

I havent played Kingpin or Grand Theft Auto, but I believe they are getting toward what I would lie to see - an open plan game where the characters are totally independent of the story line. The story line should be something that happens as a result of the player finding out certain things and coupled with information th NPC's have or things they can do opens up new vistas. This is something I've been thinking a lot about and I still havent formulated exactly what I want - I'll guess I should scribble down some ideas...

Jesus, all I'm asking for is the game companies ot recreate the universe - how hard can that be?

Posted by dottie at 2:08 PM

September 15, 2004

Go ahead moth - make my day

Today (well six or so hours from NOW - shit! must sleep!) we have a carpet cleaner / exterminator coming to rid us of our moth problem.

If anyone would like to say any words, now is the time. Stays of execution will not be considered. Its us. Or them.

Me? I'll be out taking the air around Dublin for a change.

Posted by dottie at 1:48 AM | Comments (1)

Things I like a lot

Bukowski - most anything by Charles Bukowski, especially 'Dangling in the Tournefortia' which is a collection of laugh out loud poetry - not because its funny, its just funny coz its true.

Red Hot Chillis - not the band, the little yokes with the seeds in them. I cop a couple up and put them in my salads. I've been trying to get my chilli tolerance up lately as a mate of mine who spent some time in India is promising to show me a good Indian restaurant with HOT food. Looking forward to it. The only thing I DONT like about chilli's is that I generally forget to give my hands a wash before going for a piss. In fact so much so that I am actually beginning to almost enjoy the sensation :)

Biscuits - too much. I'm trying to stay off flour but they keep tempting me with their sugary digestive goodness.

Beer - I love drinking. I always have a cup of tea on the go, or failing that I am drinking pints of water all day. I just love the sensation of liquid making its way into my ever more distended belly. When its beer, the pleasure is doubled. Throw in some Bukowski and Chillis and I'm in heaven :)

Xylophones - and their ilk. They rock, wel lthey Jazz too. Check out 'Out to Lunch' by Eric Dolphy - take a while to get into but you'll never get out again.

Women - chance'd be a fine thing.

G and T - Tanqueray Gin is meant to be the best and it MUST be made with a Lime. I have a recipie brewing in the back of my mind. Three times the normal amount of gin (Tanqueray), normal measure of tonic, then lots of lime juice and peel to take the edge off with big lumps of ice - I call it a 'Super Tanquer on the rocks' - whatcha think? You can even add a dash of blackcurrant for that oil slick motif. Mmm environmentally unfriendly party drinks - super fun time!

Posted by dottie at 1:42 AM | Comments (2)

September 14, 2004

monkeys - they're funny

sorry, just had to be said.

Posted by dottie at 5:54 PM

Work computer

My work computer is a dinosaur. I dont mean that literallyof course, other wise I would have to be getting a serious amount of stitches everytime I went to type on the damn thing. No, what I mean is that it is OLD. OLD I say! The original motherboard and case and bits and pieces were bought I think seven years ago. There is just over 500Megs of SDRAM (= OLDANDSLOW). The chip has been upgraded to a 600MHz Celeron (consider that entry level computers now start at 1800MHz!!), which is as far as its going to go even with the latest firmware for the BIOS (Ok, ok, I'll stop with the geekspeek now...)

Suffice to say, it takes a lot of effort to keep this beastie running at a decent level of performance. I have to wait at least a few seconds every time I open a dialog box and doing anything intensive like fetching my email, slows the whole system to a crawl. BY now the only reason I still have the machine isa perverse pride in keeping it going. Wel, that and the fact that I've had feck all money for the last few years for , ah, *various* reasons.

My debt to money ratio is slowly sorting itself out and I am looking forward to the day when I can rejoin the human race, go out for dinner or drinks every now and then, socialise, I'm not getting any younger you know!

But also the geek in me wants to drop any wedge I have on a new system (the old one is actually making things difficult for me at this stage...). So I made a compromise:

Komplett upgrade kit

Its cheap and its fast. Couple that with a new high end graphics card for me and my brother and I'll be back rocking in this century again.

I might even get out for some beers when I finally grow tired of Doom 3 :)

Posted by dottie at 9:13 AM

Comments...

I have a wonderful little tool installed in my blogging software that makes it easy for me to remove comments from spammers. Unfortunately the number of such comments outweigh the number of real comments by a huge margin.

You can comment too! Please do! Click in 'Comments (0)' - its usually zero - and type in what you want to say. I'd love to hear from you, especially if you dont want to sell me teenager shaped sweets that will make my penis grow to 3ft long while simultaneously restoring hair growth, lowering my cholesterol and teaching me the winning formula for winning the lottery.

On that, I have no comment whatsoever.... :)

Posted by dottie at 8:32 AM

September 9, 2004

Cash flow seeks medical advice

I have realised that my cash flow has a situation. Well, after the fifth consecutive week of the rice and tuna diet I had that little nugget....

What I mean is that my cashflow is having medical issues. Specifically - it's having prostate trouble.

The symptoms are clear. I have to strain and strain to get any cash flow happening, then when it does happen it hurts like hell (paying all those bills you know... cuts deep!) and then it stops just as quick with a return to the straining. Then when you get settled down with the situation it starts bothering you to get up, wander through the darkness and start straining again (all those bloody design proposals that are out there floating around, and around...... and around )

So if someone knows what the fiscal equivalent of Saw Palmetto extract, Cranberry juice and litres of water is, I, and my monetary bladder, would love to know :)

Posted by dottie at 12:37 AM | Comments (1)

September 6, 2004

Morning

Whats the word for the feeling when you wake up REALLY needing to take a piss - I mean *REALLY* needing to go.

So much in fact, that you think you might have the beginnings of renal failure because your bladder has backed up so much it is putting pressure on your kidneys to reabsorb some of the fluid again?

Kidney baloonitis?

Renal reflux ouch-uary wherzadamntoilet?

or my favourite

goddamntheywerenewsheetsitis :)

Posted by dottie at 10:30 AM

September 5, 2004

Wanderly wagging

I've just discovered (well a few days ago actually..) that Dublin has a nascent WiFi network - not really sure that it can be called infrastructure as it is something instaled by pubs and cafés themselves.

WiFi for those who dont know, is basically wireless internet. Most people are familiar with the internet connection afforded them at work., locked into one place by the restriction of 5ft of CAT5 cable. Now imagine not needing that cable. Imagine working from a cafe, or even better a pub, with a creamy pint of Guinness sitting beside your laptop. Andif it gets crowded or you need a change of scene - close you laptop, finish your pint/tea and you are off to a new corner of your distributed office space.

Best of all, most of the pubs and cafe's supply their WiFi for free!

Hopefully this will be the case for a long time to come, but I can see it going the way of charging your mobile in the pub, with a cafe filled with 'business lunches' all day using the internet for the price of a couple of cups of coffee. Irish businesses cant afford to be shelling out for services that dont pay dividends

Posted by dottie at 2:34 PM

Space 1999

Does anyone remember the series Space 1999 - of course you do!

Remember once they had a trial or possibly an inquest of some sort and everyone could watch it on television? Apparently all speech was processed by a computer looking for stress patterns in the speakers delivery, and checking the factual nature of what they were saying and reporting all this real-time on screen as they spoke.

America definitely needs one of those doohickeys right now. Bush and his cohorts (and to a much lesser extent Kerry's crew) are lying and distorting and rattling sabres like there is no tomorrow (which if they get in power might very well be true...).

This is a great graphic depicting the words used by both parties during their conferences. What's interesting is how central Arnie comes out looking - he might actually be a good Governor!

Posted by dottie at 1:11 PM

September 3, 2004

Aphorisms to create neuroses

"Only boring people get bored" - tell this to your children. Often.

"Potential dissipates, achievements accumulate" - ah, arrogance - child of nepotism and chance - we love thee

Posted by dottie at 4:41 PM

New breed of cars

Wired has an article about the new hybrid car - the Prius from Toyota. Americans are not really taking to it as they should, Japan and to a lesser extent Europe are buying it, but not in staggering amounts.

When cars first came on the scene they were clunky, slow, functional at best. The thing that really made them popular was firstly affordability and secondly they became a status symbol. There was no turning back after that.

What we need is non-petroleum cars to become affordable and easy to fill up. Price is not as much of an issue as it once was, but you would find it difficult to fill up on your choice of alternate fuel in Ireland and in most of the continent.

The biggest factor is the rock star factor. When cars first started racing, way back near the turn of the previous century, it electrified people. Suddenly the drivers were put in the same category as popular entertainers, as explorers, as military men. They began getting the poontang. They loved it, people loved them loving it, and most of all they wanted a slice of the action themselves.

This was also the birth of 'lifestyle marketing' I guess.

What is needed is a high-profile road race using non-petroleum cars. It has to be fast and accompanied by rock or rap music, scantily clad girls and arrogant drivers. TV News should replay the crashes over and over panning back to show the tearful swedish girlfriend as the arrogant drivers body is flung high into the air. There needs to be a national outcry, we need to have a concerned citizens group (preferably christian) to oppose the new races. We need the tabloids full of their lifestyles, we need to know what shirts they wear, who they wil lbe sleeping with next, their deepest darkest secrets and above, and through, and around it all we need the cars, the girls the CARS! THE GIRLS!

hell.

I'd buy one.

Posted by dottie at 12:34 PM